FLOW

Being flat on my back with flu for 5 days, I have realized what a luxury it actually is to be able to do that. Go to bed for 5 days and the world continues to turn without me. I am blessed to have a husband who is not only an excellent nurse, but also a dab hand in the kitchen, so I am well looked after. Being bed bound is a good time for reflection and it got me thinking about how our circumstances often dictate that we simply cannot get sick. Single parents with no support system to look after or ferry around children. One man/woman businesses for whom every sick day means income lost. People who work for companies who suck the very soul out of them, expecting them to be at work no matter what. Profit over people and their well being.

I have been working on my own "Flow Experiment" (www.fairygodmotherinc.com for more info).  Living life in flow. Being sick for 5 days forces you to surrender to flow. You cannot control it or dictate to it. The other night, every time I surfaced, the same thought was running through my head. "Stay in the peace of your body" An ongoing mantra. It was just there  in my consciousness. So I did. Instead of focussing on the cough, the aches, the pains, the misery, I focused on peace at a deeper level in my body. Below the surface of the physical discomfort. Stillness. I had the sense that my body would deal with the healing process if I kept focused on the peace. And the healing process did start. I would love to tell you that it was miraculous and I woke up cured, but I didn't. I did have a great night's sleep. But somehow I had reached a point of flow and I let go. I could feel the inner shift. As a friend put it, that inner shift is when something "clicks" inside you.  That's when change happens.

That phrase has stuck with me ever since "stay in the peace of your body". So often we are at war with our bodies. We criticize them, we hate them, we moan about them. We forget that the body has its own levels of consciousness. We "fight" disease, we carry on a war with the only thing that carries us through life.

So now I'm wondering if this "stay in the peace of your body" can be used in other situations. When facing stress and the challenges of life. Instead of reacting with emotion, being angry etc, instead of sleepless nights replaying conversations and "what if" and "if only", we stay with the peace of our body. Perhaps thats what flow is. I'm certainly going to give it a try as soon as I get out of this bed!

Stay in the Flow!
Blessings
Di

ATTITUDE & GRATITUDE INSIGHTS

I think it is safe to say that many people are going through extremely challenging times. For me, it feels like a collective "dark night of the soul". All around me I am hearing tales of woe. Finances stretched to the limit, health problems, emotional issues, sadness, grief. It is taking every ounce of inner strength not to sink into the depths of despair and hopelessness. This seems to be reflected in society in general. Appalling crimes, a lack of compassion on many levels. Power plays, egos banging heads. You begin to wonder, is there any end to the cruelty, the inhumanity, the arrogance? But of course, we know that the media focusses on the bad news. There are a lot of good things happening too. Random acts of kindness, people being driven to make a difference, no longer able to just sit back and watch and do nothing. Anger is not always a bad thing though, anger can bring about powerful change too. We have a choice here. I was reminded of this choice just this morning. I have started to pull a daily angel card again. I find that sitting quietly, with lit candles, in silence, communing with my Creator, allowing my thoughts to soften, helps me to stay centered and focussed and more or less balanced! We have been facing some tough financial times and to add to this, just received notice from our tenants that they are moving out. Our first thought was - "this couldn't have come at a worse time!"

So there I sat this morning, breathing, allowing the myriad thoughts to finally quieten down. Finally it came time to pull my card and it was "Find the Blessings in Your Current Situation"! Well I just had to laugh out loud! Seriously? The card essentially said that worrying makes things worse (of course it does and it serves no purpose anyway), that I should pray, focus on positive affirmations and that healing comes with gratitude. As the saying goes, there is always something to be grateful for. Not only that, but there will always be someone worse off than you.

So hubby and I did just that. Sat down and wrote a list of the blessings we have found from these challenging past few months. We were amazed at how many there were. After finishing the task, we have a deeper respect and gratefulness of all that our life together is. From there we went on to list all the things that we want to achieve over the next year and then moved onto our “wish” list. All the things we want to do, see, buy before we die. Our “Bucket List”. The trick with this is not to start going into the “how”. That ends up limiting you. Just keep it to your list. And from doing all of that, we started thinking about what legacy we wanted to leave, and got the most stunning idea for the beautiful farm we live on. It is such a big vision we are not even sharing it with anyone at this stage!

We often pray, plead, beg for help from a higher Source. We forget that we already have all we need within us. We also forget that the change and the choices come from within. At times we forget to watch out for the many ways that the help or guidance comes. We wait for the bells and whistles and the grand entrances but often our inner/higher guidance comes from a much gentler, softer, quieter (sometimes more humorous!) place and we miss it.

There are some things I can do nothing about and I accept that and I now choose not to sit and stress about something that I cannot change or have no control over. I cannot manifest money from thin air (not quite reached that level haha) but I can change the way I manage our money. I can learn to become master of our finances and to make some serious decisions about doing things differently. What I can also do is focus on the many, many blessings I have in my life and I know deep in my heart that this too, shall pass and that it will all be OK in the end. I also know, that to make it OK is actually, at the end of the day, up to me.

Stay strong!
Blessings
Di

 

The Gift of Being

I recently returned from 10 days in Prince Albert, a small hamlet off the N1 in the Karoo. This was a "proper" holiday. Not visiting family (as much as I adore them, it's not always a relaxing experience as you try and see as much as possible of each other, it can get very rushed). No quick weekend break. 10 glorious days of sleeping late, reading and doing much of nothing besides drinking in glorious sunsets, moonrises, mountains and desert vistas. Oh and the occasional glass of red wine, good conversation and fine dining :)

In Prince Albert people don't lock their doors when they go out. You walk everywhere in wide, quiet, tree-lined streets. People greet you, smile at you. I realized how relaxed and free I felt. There was a sense of pride in the town and it's history. There is in fact a Historical Committee, fondly known as the Hysterical Committee due to the fact that they have hysterics any time somebody dares suggest making changes in the town.

I had time to think. No distraction from TV or newspapers. Didn't have much of an inclination to read either. In these quiet vistas your breathing slows. Your mind quietens. You want more to be than to do. Those wide open expanses seem to draw you back to yourself. Mountains definitely do it for  me. They speak to my soul. Massively impressive, silent sentinels, they certainly put life into perspective as you are dwarfed and awed by their presence.

I began to reflect on my life, where I was and where I was going. A small realization began to bubble to the surface. I  realized I was not always being true to myself. I had moved away from who I was to keep others happy. I was allowing others to influence decisions I had made. No wonder I wasn't "feeling" any of it!

At the core of my being lies a deep love of the metaphysical, the esoteric, yes the purple smoke. It's who I am and I make no apology for it.  I realized in those 10 days that I had moved far away from my core.  I had moved away from my Reiki practice and supporting people in their healing journeys.
I had forgotten how much I love empowering people on a heart-to-heart level.

I felt like that sojourn in the little town helped me reconnect with myself. Spirit works in amazing ways and my path crossed with an NLP practitioner who, with a Mini Transformation process helped me redefine who I am and what I want. I love how the Universe works!!

What I know is that my destiny seems to change. I don't know what lies ahead but I do know that I am where I am meant to be and maybe that's all I can ask for, right now.  Since returning home I have felt a deeper sense of connection. More in alignment with myself, if that makes any sense. And I cannot help but wonder if the flu has kept me bed bound for nearly 8 days is all part of the process. A clearing out, an integration of some sorts. Who knows?

In Prince Albert I was acutely aware of being present. No distracting "to do" lists, places to be, things to do. How often do we give ourselves the gift of being as opposed to doing?  I now realize not often enough.

It's something I am committed to changing.

Until Next Time
Blessings as always
    *****

PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS

So, doll, I am fascinated by the synchronicity in life. How, when there is something you are meant to get, or understand, the message will be given to you in a myriad of different ways. Lately it has been about letting go. Surrendering. Now I know that many people will see this as a weakness. Maybe it is part of the human psyche to automatically fight back. But there does come a time when letting go, putting down your weapons as it were, is the most powerful and empowering action you can take.  Right now we are living in a world that seems to be embattled wherever you look, sometimes with devastating consequences. From miners in Marikana to opposing political parties; from countries arguing over borders to divorced parents fighting over children and ownership of things. From road rage to Arab Springs, service delivery protests to e-toll court actions - the world literally seems to be at war. We get angry over the slightest thing. It doesn't take much to rattle our equilibrium or peacefulness. Hah! We are not quite as serene as we would have people believe! There is a wonderful saying - cease the war within and the war without will cease. All wars start with us, the individual. It isn't a country that starts a war, it's the people. If there is conflict in your heart, in your home, in your family, you can bet your life there is conflict around you. Now I absolutely agree that life is not about sticking one's head in the sand and pretending it's all "OK". Living in an "airy fairy" spiritual world where you choose to ignore all that is happening. Yes yes yes we know it's an illusion but we still have to live in this illusion and we wake up every day, feeling depressed, scared, afraid, alone. That's not an illusion and it is not an illusion to have a gun in your face or to be tied up in your own home and robbed. That's reality. However, we can choose how we respond. We can choose to allow the intruders to continue to have power over us or we can choose to pick ourselves up and move on. By saying this I am in no way minimising the trauma of such an experience. But I am reminded of Alison Hunter's story when she was attacked and left for dead. And someone else I met at Lifeline years ago who was attacked and raped in her home. Both of these amazingly brave women said in essence the same thing "They did this to my body. They did not do it to me, my spirit, my soul. I am not going to let them have continued power over me by living in fear or allowing them to dominate my mind." Both women did the work necessary to heal and then moved on with their lives. They did not perpetuate the hatred and the fear these experiences involved. I am in awe of such amazing strength of character. They put down their weapons and are the stronger for it.

How many battles are you fighting in your life right now? What would happen if you put down your weapons and surrendered? Could you choose peace instead of this? Could you see things differently? Could you set your ego aside (much of our fighting is ego-driven) Could there be another way to oppose injustice instead of using intolerance and hatred which then just creates more intolerance and hatred?

My own personal experience has been that when I allow time for silence - and it only needs to be 10-15 minutes a day - a lot of clarity comes through about certain situations in my life. It is like I am given the opportunity to step back and see a bigger picture. I am choosing more and more to see things differently. And new ways and new paths are being shown to me. Love it!

What we put out into the world we get right back, sometimes in spades! So if life has become a bit chaotic, frazzled, angry then perhaps it is time to seek some silent space and get back to your centre.
What I know is that the "old way" of doing things no longer works. The American public grows weary of the mud-slinging and the dragging up of as much dirt as possible on political candidates - they just want someone who can run the country properly! The media is being taken to task for invasion of privacy, corporations are being sued for abuse of the environment and are facing challenges to the "profit before people" mentality. We are all part of these changes! Yup, little old you and me. Isn't it funny how we forget about the power of the collective and how we allow ourselves to be bullied, abused, ignored and taken advantage of by the few.

What exciting times we live in! Not for the faint hearted I agree, but never forget that you always have a choice and you can choose to respond rather than react. For me it certainly makes for a more peaceful state of mind, no matter what's going on around me! Give it a try, what have you got to lose?
Blessings as always.
Di

CONNECTEDNESS

A new series started on TV recently called "Touch" starring Kiefer Sutherland as the father of an autistic child, Jake. Although it appeared to be a bit of an odd story at first, as the episodes unfold, it's  about the connectedness of all things. I am in love with this TV series. Jake sees the world, past, present and future, as numbers. He is obsessed with numbers and although they make no sense to anyone else, his father is beginning to realise that Jake is sending him on various "tasks" whether they be to reunite families, address wrongs done to others or save someone from harm. As you watch, the significance of various numbers becomes clear as they turn up again and again in an episode. Jake is talking to his father through the numbers that he becomes fixated on and it is up to his father to decipher them, as Jake never speaks, never has spoken.

What I love about this TV series is how it shows us that we are all, in some way, connected. That we should never under-estimate the impact of our actions on other people, no matter how small we think those actions may be. Woven into this story is a cell phone which goes around the world, people make videos on it and then drop it into some random stranger's bag or backpack. A singer becomes internationally known, a father traces lost photos of his deceased daughter and so it goes.

There are times when we feel so alone, so separate from everyone else. We feel that the world is against us. That there is no-one who understands. Yet that could not be further from the truth.

You just have to watch the news, those situations where some natural disaster has occurred, destroying homes and lives; where wars are being fought and people threatened. The Internet is filled with images of soliders carrying the injured children of those who are their enemies; of people risking lives to save an animal; of people coming to the assistance of those in danger or in need.

It is at those times that our need to reach out and help, to show compassion and love, suddenly leaps to the fore. That inner light of divinity suddenly burns brightly and we set aside our thoughts of judgement and racism and hatred and for a brief moment, we become One. This is the time when we practice random acts of kindness without a thought of our own gain.

In the moments of deepest need and struggle and pain we are able to put aside our differences and for a brief time become united in a common goal. In these times the ego has no place, all pretences are dropped and we move and act as one, often without even thinking.

In a time when almost every country in the world is shouting about "economic recession" over a million pounds is raised in the name of a woman who died running a Marathon in London. It is when you are able to touch people at this deep level that they connect with their own Oneness and they give. Even if it is for a short while only, that connection is experienced and honoured.

In spite of the apparent craziness of the world we live in, under the surface there is a more powerful, more stable thread that connects us all, Jake understands this, as I believe all autistic children do - and yet we label them damaged! This TV series is teaching us a great deal about the not-so-random-moments of life. It is for us to recognise them and to be in awe of the synchronicity of the world in which we live. There is Divine order and we are part of that order.

I think it is a bit sad that the only time we often experience this oneness is when there is need in orders. Isn't it time we started acknowledging our connectedness and living it? What impact are you having on the world around you?

Blessings to you as always.
Di

MY LIFE WITH ROBIN SHARMA

Well doll, strange to think that this time last week (15th July) it was all over and my life with Robin Sharma had come to an end. For the previous six weeks the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari had occupied most of my waking hours. I would regularly pinch myself when I looked at his books on my bookshelf, not quite believing that on the 15th July I would be introducing him on stage for his Lead Without A Title Seminar, as a fundraiser for Hospice White River. Yup I had managed to get this quiet, unassuming man with huge Presence to come to the Lowveld. There was no amazing story attached to this, no unusual co-incidences or strange happenings. I just asked. And he came. Seriously. Well ok, there were some things that had to happen first, like paying him and signing a contract but we were committed and on the 15th July at around 9.15am I heard myself say "Ladies & Gentlemen - please welcome Robin Sharma". As people stood and applauded, I walked off stage. And promptly burst into tears (having "a moment" as my niece calls it). You know, I have been  great reader of self-help books for years. John De Martini, John Kehoe, Caroline Myss, Wayne Dyer, Robin Sharma, their titles fill my shelves. Always the quest for more self-understanding, to make a difference, to inspire others. Yet organizing this fundraiser for Hospice, bringing Robin Sharma here, has helped me to overcome some major personal hurdles. I mean, doll, if I can do this, what can I not do??? What else is possible?? As the enormity of the risk that I had taken sunk in, the fears bubbled to the surface in an incessant stream of negative-speak. What if no-one came? What if this was the biggest flop ever? What If What If What If......I was really forced to "walk the talk" and put into practice all the things my self-help books had told me. "Think from the end", "Stay in the present moment", "Allow the fears, don't surpress them. They will lose their power if you allow them to surface and acknowledge them". Surprisingly enough, it worked! Despite things like our local radio station being taken off air due to financial woes and not airing the interview about the event two days before it happened; despite other small challenges, I had a deep sense of calm and a knowing that this was much bigger than just a fundraiser and that it would all be OK (yes even the deficit, as we did not break even on the costs). Robin came, he spoke and he touched people in profound and deep ways. He brought a whole new energy to our part of the world. There was nothing special about the message - it is a message that every self-help book shares - but it is the energy of the man and the way he comes across, the way he speaks and writes, that is so powerful and reaches such a wide audience. This whole experience has been life changing in ways I don't even know yet. I realised a dream and in that I realised that dreams DO come true - IF you are prepared to take the action, do the work, face the fears and push your limits so far out that there is no going back. I did it. It is a day that will stay with me for ever. It is a day wherein through the greatness of another, I was able to embrace my own greatness. If I can do it doll, believe me so can you. So go on, be brave and step off that cliff. You will fly!! And if you don't believe me, here is the proof! The wonderful Hospice staff and volunteers with Robin and his business manager Jason.

Blessings to you.

TISSUES & TEARS

At our monthly gathering this week, one of our usually most cheerful and gregarious members was very quiet. When I looked across at her, she seemed far away, unfocussed, almost preoccupied with her own thoughts. As everyone chatted and caught up with news before we settled down, instead of being part of it all she was strangely aloof. I found it odd, and I kept glancing across at her. As the meeting progressed, with the usual sharing and lively discussion, the tears began to flow. Her face crumpled and with a strangled cry she lept out of her seat, by this stage sobbing uncontrollably, heading for the front door. Fortunately one or two others were just as fast and reached her before she got there. Holding the sobbing woman, talking softly to her, they were able to calm her down enough to lead her unresistingly back to her seat. The concern for her was palpable in the room. Tissues were found and she was settled back in. Slowly, haltingly, she began to speak. Without going into too much detail here, out of respect for her privacy, she was facing a terrible choice in her life, decisions had to be made that were breaking her heart. This strong, capable woman, whom so many in the community turned to for help, whose open, generous nature meant she was always willing to lend a hand, was at a crossroads in her life. The decisions that needed to be made were going to be hurtful to others, but she knew at her very core they had to be made. And somehow she never expected it to be as challenging as this. Or to hurt as much.

I think the fact that she had recently celebrated a milestone birthday played a big part in this. Somehow the "decade" birthdays - the 40s, 50s, 60s etc, bring about huge changes in a person. I know when I turned 50 a couple of years ago it changed me, I stopped worrying so much about what other people thought, I became more interested in living my life while I still HAD a life, of experiencing as much as I could, I started focussing on pleasing myself and actively seeking out what brought me joy, as opposed to doing what pleased others or what they thought I should be doing.

At that meeting I saw the true power of women's friendships and the incredible compassion that we have. It is just so instinctive, part of our nature. The love that reached out to her from all corners of the room, allowing her the space to speak without judgement or condemnation. I also sensed an unspoken fear - what if I was to face the same awful choices? Please God I never wake up one day and have to make that kind of decision. There but for the Grace of God go I.

I am so glad that she was brought back into the welcoming embrace of the circle instead of driving off into the darkness alone. Why is it that we always try and hide our tears? As if it is a weakness, something to be ashamed of? "I'm F-I-N-E" women say through gritted teeth as they juggle jobs, families and the hundreds of other tasks that make up our lives. Actually we are not always fine and sometimes we need to just let go and acknowledge that and allow ourselves to be loved and nurtured by others. Sometimes it is OK to say "I am not coping, I need help". To acknowledge that we are human after all! Maybe all that is needed is a neutral ear, a glass of wine, chocolates or a big box of tissues!  Or all of the above! We don't always have to "fix" things. Nothing irritates me more than when my dearest hubby wants to "fix" my problem. Most of the time I more or less know what I want to do, I just need someone to listen.

We ended the meeting with an "onion hug" - we all surrounded our friend, layer upon layer of love and compassion, and we hugged. Sometimes no words are needed. Sometimes we forget the power of a hug, or a touch.

I like to think that our friend left feeling calmer, more focussed. Tears are healing (even though they do ruin makeup and tend to make your face go unattractively blotchy!). The choices she faces have not gone away, there is no going around, under or over. Going through is the only option. But as they say, we are all angels with one wing and we can only fly while supporting each other. We cannot take away the pain, but we helped our friend to fly a little bit higher and a little easier. I know most of us felt a deeper sense of closeness and connection at the end of that evening, a greater sense of gratitude at what we are part of - that we really are all One. Sometimes we forget that we are all going through the same "stuff" and remembering that makes it a little easier to bear.

Blessings to you.
x

BACK TO REALITY

A friend of mine who has just returned from a long weekend away with her two daughters wrote "Back To Reality" on her BBM status. That phrase set me thinking. Are good times, happy times, holiday times not "reality"? Is our reality boring, trivial, uninteresting. Are our holiday/down times some alternate reality that we can only access now and again? We are not meant to be happy in our "real" reality? If we go with the thought that what we think about we bring about, then even just by differentiating between the holiday reality and the one we supposedly live most of the time, we are creating joyful, happy experiences that only happen now and again.This was quite a powerful notion and I am still ppondering on it. Perhaps our greatest challenge lies in accepting it all as "reality" and then embracing that reality in this moment. We can still be peaceful and happy, even in the midst of challenge and trying times. - Yes, we can! :) We choose the way we experience this moment. We can embrace and be grateful for the good health we may be enjoying, or the time at home, food on the table, good friends, the love of another, a warm bed. And we can equally embrace the magical moments of going away on holiday. The "3 more sleeps", of waking up on the morning of departure, excited and pleased that for a few days we break away from the usual routines of our lives. I have just spent 3 days in Kruger Park and it was blissful, soaking up the peace and beauty of nature, no emails to worry about, no cell phone signal for most of the time. Yet by the end of the 3 days I was looking forward to getting home, because I love my home and my animals. I love the reality of my life (ok, taxis and road hogs do try my patience!) Reality should be wherever we are now and all of our life is our reality. I guess it really does go back to being fully present in THIS moment, as opposed to yearning for things that have happened or things that have still to happen. In this way we can fully experience all that life has to offer and we can find the magic in the moment. As Ram Dass said, Be Here Now. This is the reality. There is nothing else. This is all we have. What are you doing with it? Powerful thought.

Stay Blessed.

TO HOARD OR NOT TO HOARD!

So doll, I am really trying to simplify my life! Doing a lot of cleaning out at home. It certainly is liberating throwing away "stuff". Remember when DVD players superceded the good old video recorders? Well, we have BOXES of videos. Programmes we recorded from TV. There they sat, cluttering up the bookcase, gathering dust. The video recorder itself gave up the ghost some years ago and ever since has sat quietly on the wall next to the stairs leading up to our bedroom. Why is it there you might ask. Good question.....dear hubby was going to "take it in to be looked at". Well, it has been waiting to be "taken in to be looked at" for probably the past 3 or 4 years. Well, finally, I snapped and I sent him a BBM message "Say farewell to your video recorder. This relationship is OVER! Finished. Klaar. Kaput. The End"....video recorder went out the door and all those video cassettes are now in boxes waiting to be dumped too. Hubby never said a word, I think he feared being booted out the door along with said video recorder. He knows not to get in my way when I am on a mission. (Small snag here though, not sure quite what to do with them. Do I become one of the inconsiderate, uncaring inhabitants of this earth that don't worry about the fact that I am cluttering up the already overloaded planet with yet more waste? That they will sit in some landfill where they will lie for a gazillion years leaching horrible plastic toxins into the soil?) We live in a throw away society - printers last a year if you are lucky and when they pack up your friendly computer guy says airily "Oh we don't bother to repair these, just throw it away and buy a new one, it's cheaper." I have a store room filled with old computer keyboards, mice, printers, cables.......amazing how we make things that are not meant to last, and yet we have not really created a system to get rid of (or recycle) the things we have to throw away. (If you have any suggestions would love to hear them!)

While in the clearing out mood, I noticed I had over 5500 emails in my Inbox. OK, it is our business and personal email address (my own personal email address has 2721 sitting in the Inbox as I write this....). So I resolved that every day I would try and delete a couple of hundred. When I started, I was completely fascinated by the emails I never deleted then. Emails that are only relevant for that time, I mean, a reading for the month of May in 2010 is hardly relevant in March 2012! I merrily hit the delete button time and time again until I became quite giddy, caught up in the joy of releasing a little bit of my computer space from the ties of the past. Of course I got techno-savvy at one point and opened the "Folders" so now I have all these Folders filled with newsletters, quotes etc that I have never had the time to read.... *sigh*.

Watching Downton Abby the other night, I longed for the days when we wrote with beautiful pens on beautiful crisp paper and then trotted off to the Post Office where the shiny red Post Box eagerly accepted our offering. And the excitement of the post arriving with a letter for you. My boyfriend who was in the army back in the 70's when I was a teenager, was stationed up on the Angolan border and returned home with a large bag filled with my letters, which were veritable novels.

Actually, I can blame it all on my Mum - she is a Hoarder Deluxe and her cupboards are a veritable treasure trove of empty ice cream containers, those little plastic balls that go in the washing machine with the liquid and other unknown funny looking plastic thingies.......Well you never know, says she, might come in useful one day.......

Ah yes, hoarding is clearly in my blood but I am slowly releasing myself from the genetic disposition to collect things which have no earthly or heavenly use. Now, back to that Inbox.........

Stay Blessed
Di

THE MESSAGES OF LIFE

Have you ever noticed how something you may be avoiding, or hate doing, in your life, is actually trying to tell you something? Let me explain doll....I train two or three times a week at a local gym with a wonderful personal trainer who is probably the only person on the planet who can actually motivate me to exercise. I am generally a couch potato of note, but as the years progress I do realise that if I want to keep in some sort of reasonable shape as I advance into my more mature years, I do need to make a bit of an effort. Ruhan has a way of making our sessions fun and interesting, always changing things and I actually find myself working just that little bit harder, pushing myself a little bit further - yes he is that good! In fact he even motivated me to do my first 5km race (walking) the other day!But there are some things Ruhan cannot get me to do. Using the stationary bike was one of them (give me the treadmill any day) and then there are the "step ups". You know when you have to step up and down onto a box. We use the benches at the gym and they are quite high. Now I have always had a problem with step-ups. There is just something about having all the weight on one leg, pushing up, that makes me feel insecure. I just don't trust that I am strong enough to be able to manage it. So anytime this exercise came up, I refused to do it and being senior in years to Ruhan, he doesn't generally argue with me and gives me something else to do. Then last week I had a session with my life coach (the amazing Mel, you remember). At one point during our chat she said to me "you know Di, if you want to succeed you need to step up to the bigger platform". And she made this upward movement with her hand as she said it. Suddenly it hit me - my refusing to do the "step up" exercises at the gym was a physical manifestation of my refusal to "step up" to the next level in terms of my personal growth! Because of fear. And lack of faith in myself and my abilities, not trusting myself......what a profound insight! The upshot of this is that Ruhan has now made me a box. Lower than the benches at gym and we are starting with baby steps. As my confidence grows so will the step ups. This week at gym I did my first "step up" exercises with Ruhan and Mel cheering me on! It was such a great feeling. Not only that, but I decided to get over myself and did my 10 minutes warm up on the bike and it wasn't so bad after all. It really is all in the mind. So - what in your life is trying to send you a message? What is it that you avoid doing/fear doing and how could that relate to something going on in your life? Would love to hear! 'Til next time doll, blessings as always. xx

TO DETOX OR NOT TO DETOX.......

To start the new year off with a detox, good idea, right? Yup that's what I thought too! So I signed up for a 7 day yogic cleanse, determined to do the right thing and go into 2012 having let go of the past, old issues and of course getting a whole new sparkly clean system as well! First day went OK. Stuck to my fruit & veg, hot water and lemon, went to the yoga class which is included in the cleanse, felt very virtuous. This was easy I thought. Day 2 I was felled like a tree struck down in the forest by a chain saw gang. Ran the gamut of nausea, vomiting, the runs. Oh and a headache from hell. Luckily it was a Sunday so I could retire to bed. Could not face food at all. Hubby just shook his head in disbelief at what I was putting myself through in the name of health. Day 3 dawned and didn't feel much better. This was not good as Monday is a working day - hubby looked at me with raised eyebrow as I lay pale and wan on the bed - clearly not much was going to get done in the office that day! Days 4 and 5 were supposed to be fasting days - uh - been there, done that on Days 2 & 3. Did I mention the self-enemas that were part of the program......?Was feeling so lousy never made yoga class on Days 3 & 4. I sat quietly early on the morning of Day 4, feeling more like myself and, shock, horror, having broken down the night before and taken two painkillers for the headache from hell (well it was either that or rip my head off my shoulders) and feeling blessed relief as it finally lifted. I looked out at the garden, sipping my hot lemon water and a little voice popped up in my head and said "what the hell are you doing to yourself???" Well doll to be honest I had kind of been wondering the same thing!! Clearly this cleanse was a lot harsher on my body than I had anticipated. In that moment, I knew I wasn't going back and when I made THAT decision I could feel my spirits lift and my body gave a huge sigh of relief. How often do we do that to ourselves? Put ourselves through something because someone else says it's "good" for us? Even when every fibre of our being is shrieking "DON'T!" A friend commiserated that I had wasted my money. Not at all! It was a powerful lesson in listening to and trusting my body. I also learnt that I can eat a lot less and I am also more aware of what I put into my mouth and am eating far more mindfully (have to admit, the first glass of wine after that was thoroughly savoured!) I know that my body is far happier with lightly cooked foods than loads and loads of raw fruit and veggies. I went into this cleanse too fast. Once I had adapted the food plan to my needs for the week my body was so much happier. We are all so individual and unique and our body is our greatest guide, not just in something like this, but in anything else we experience in life. If we just take the time to listen. Now I know - a detox like this is not for me. And at least I managed to avoid that enema!!!!!

2012 HERE WE GO!

2012 is upon us! Festive season seems to have whizzed past, as time tends to do these days. I try and read something inspirational daily, preferably early in the morning before my day starts. Don't always get that part right, but hey, I'm only human after all :) - Robin Sharma, Wayne Dyer, A Course in Miracles are some of the books I dip into. I find that reading something inspirational every day, even if it is just one quote, really helps to keep my spirits uplifted and myself motivated. I also have a journal where I make a note of random questions and thoughts that surface as I read. This morning, in Wayne Dyer's book "Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life, Living the Wisdom of the Tao" he talks about "allowing" instead of "wanting". Now I already know that when you constantly "want" something (money, to be slim, success etc) you just get more of......wanting!!! This chapter of the book ties up perfectly with the New Year channelling I listened to on the 31st December, by Angela Deutschmann www.angeladeutschmann.com at the beautiful Boondocks Mountain Lodge & Labyrinth near Barberton, www.boondocks.co.za which was all about what we give ourselves permission for now shows up in our future! Serious!!!! So, if I give myself "permission" to not exercise, eat badly, procrastinate, fear success......you fill in the rest, guess what is going to show up in my future? You got it doll, more of the same!!!!! What a flipping eye-opening shocker that was. My good friend, (brilliant life coach Mel www.newleafcoaching.co.za and I just stared at each other as the pennies dropped simultaneously!

See there is this thing that happens when you "get it". We can know on an intellectual level all these truths. But until the body "gets it" these just stay in the mind. It is not just about changing the mindset, it is about changing the vibration of our body! There is literally an internal "click" and suddenly things start changing in our world. We can say affirmations until the cows come home, but until such time as the body "feels" them, they have little effect.

So, here's a question for you - what are you going to "allow" in your life? More money, better health, loving relationships? If you allow rather than want, surrendering to that allowing, then don't be surprised when the miracles start happening! Maybe take some time to think about what you are giving permission for in your life now.

You see doll, it really is that simple, we have the power within us to change our life. So stop waiting and start creating! Don't let the future gobble up all your attention (also from the channelling, love that). So often we come into a new year with major expectations of what it is going to bring, forgetting that we have to actually make a start ourselves. That we have to BE the change we want to see in the world. And the change starts right here, right now.

BTW if you are wondering about all the web addresses in my blog, I really want to share with others the amazing and inspirational people and places that have touched my life in magical ways. Paying it forward!

'Til next time, stay blessed. Be excited for all that is at your fingertips......
xx

LIVE WITHOUT REGRET

Well here we are doll, the (almost) end of what has been a turbulent, fast moving, fairly hectic year for most people. The world as we know it is changing moment by moment. Mother Nature is flexing her muscles and showing us all too clearly who rules!  Life is fragile, uncertain and changes forever in a heartbeat. My friend Karen knows that only too well. On a sunny Saturday morning in mid November while en-route to the shops with her husband, her life changed forever when another vehicle slammed into them at an intersection (other driver at fault), Karen taking the brunt of the impact. As I write this on the 30th December, she is still in hospital, not fully conscious and recovery is going to be a long, slow, painful process. Her shocked family are having to rethink the way they do things, adapt and adjust to not having their wife and mother around. Whenever I don't want to do something (exercise, do something that scares me) I think: If I cannot do it for me, I can at least do it for Karen. Because she can't. It has become my mantra "doing it for Karen". Hey, maybe that's the title of a book! Then a few days ago, was reading an article while at the hairdressers and someone who works with the terminally ill listed the 5 Major Regrets that the dying have. I think they are worth repeating here......

I Wish......

• I had the courage to live a life true to myself not the life others expect of me
• I didn't work so hard (without exception EVERY male patient had this regret)
• I had the courage to express my feelings
• I had stayed in touch with my friends
• I had let myself be happier

So, as we move into a year that promises to be even more challenging and exciting than this one (and no, I do not believe that the 'end of the world' is nigh), if you take these five simple yet profound regrets and set the intention to allow yourself to experience at least one of them, I think you will have an exceptional, joy-filled 2012. There is an old saying "this is not a dress rehearsal" - this is IT. The show. There is never going to be a right time to leave/commit/start/end. You have to just jump and KNOW that the net will appear. If not for yourself - then do it for Karen.

Happy happy new year to all - prepare for the ride of your life and I am right there with you!
Blessings to you.

JUST A THOUGHT

So I read a quote on my Facebook page today from the Dalai Lama and a sentence caught my eye "it is anger that is a sign of weakness". Now I have been thinking about this very thing for a while (it seems to come with age, this thinking, or "cogitating" as my husband calls it, about life because I seem to be doing it a lot lately!) There is SO much anger in the world right now. People ranting and raving and protesting and rioting, and just generally raging. Looking for any outlet for the anger they carry within. Now don't get me wrong, protesting for positive change is good, anger can be effective in getting people to take action (as evidenced by the tidal wave of support that sprung up for the 200-year old tree that TRAC wanted to cut down recently near Nelspruit to make way for a new road. So vociferous was the opposition that they agreed the tree could stay.) Apathy can be more dangerous than anger when you think about it. Yet I am reminded of the message in the film The Secret, that "what we focus on increases", "what we think about we bring about" and "energy flows where emotion goes". Mother Theresa saying "don't invite me to an anti-war rally, because all you will be focussing on is war. Invite me to a pro-peace rally and I am there".

Then I think (stay with me, doll, there is a purpose to this!) about things like the rhino poaching, Julius Malema, the corruption and any other number of other negative things going on in our world, and how very angry we get about them. I have to wonder - are we not increasing them because of the way we feel about them?? The more we focus on "fighting" the poachers, Julius, corrupt officials, are we not  in fact energising them?  If, as people like Gregg Braden, Wayne Dyer & John Demartini are constantly telling us, we create our reality with our thoughts, then are we not creating this? If we are all "One", from the same source, part of the same collective consciousness, then can we not, collectively, change what is going on in the world by changing our thoughts? Or is that just too powerful for us to even begin to comprehend? Just a thought......

I made the decision recently that I was no longer going to respond or react to hate emails (awful one about Muslims doing the rounds at the moment), scare emails (dodgy Census reps, Hijack Hotspots,) emotional emails (horrifying pics of slaughtered, brutalized animals) because I feel, personally, that I am simply adding fuel to the fire and I choose not to perpetuate it. I choose instead to see the good in the world, those people who are making a difference, who are working for a better, brighter future. Yes, I believe we can do it, we can tip the balance, because just as humans are capable of incredible depths of cruelty and brutality, we are also capable of the most amazing love, compassion, generosity and kindness - and THAT's what I choose to see in people. And quietly, in my own small way, hold those whose soul light seems to have dimmed, who have forgotten their own divinity, in the grace and the love of God. Because if we are all One, then what is in them must also be in me. Which I now need to go and think about.... :-) Stay Blessed.

TIME TIME TIME.....

My goodness, where does the time go? Is it really July since I "blogged". I have committed the cardinal sin (so say the experts) of not keeping my Blog up to date :-( The past 5 months have been something of a blur - so much to do, so little time!! Do you sometimes feel you want to reach out and just catch hold of time, the way you grab for the string of a balloon as it drifts through your fingers, to stop it? Time is like that - it stretches out in front of you, endless, eternal then in the blink of eye it telescopes into the tiniest bite. Life is unpredictable and, quite honestly, a bit crazy sometimes. We certainly live in interesting times! I love the Internet and all it offers us but sometimes it does feel like information overload. I am very blessed to work from home, a beautiful space indeed, and I am trying very hard to spend some time, even if it is just five or ten minutes a day, just looking at the garden. Am keen to do a silent retreat next year, time to stop putting off all those things that keep me grounded and centered! Why or why do they always end up at the back of my "to-do" list while I occupy myself with the unimportant "stuff". I yearn for simplicity and stillness and by Jove, I am going to get it!!!!! A dear friend who has survived two bouts with cancer and was recently declared cancer free, was involved in a serious car accident a few days ago and is now being kept sedated with bleeding on the brain and multiple fractures. Life is so precious, human existence so fragile, Live Life Now!

PRECIOUS PARENTS

My very best friend is currently dealing with losing her Mum. She lost her Dad to illness only last year. Some women, when they lose their life partner, create new lives for themselves. They go on to new and wonderful experiences. Sometimes they mourn the loss of their spouse/partner, sometimes they don't. Some remain frozen in time, living in a kind of limbo, seeing out their own days. Some women just never get used to being alone. They feel lost, lonely and there is a deep dark void in the heart that life just cannot fill. My friend's Mum is one of these women. Capable, wicked sense of humour, a no-nonsense approach to life, caring, dedicated to her job and family. Hates people to make a fuss of her or about her. My friend is now with her family, spending the last few days with her mother, who is slowly and consciously letting go of life, refusing treatment. These are going to be the most painful and the most joyous of days, hours and minutes as they say all the things they have never had the chance to say. I know there will be laughter and tears intermingled at the bitter sweetness of reliving memories; the love will be tangible, the depth and warmth of feeling will for a while hold them all in its loving embrace as they try and hold onto every nanosecond with the woman who brought them into the world. My friend describes the time as "surreal". Even with the understanding that while the physical body dies, the soul lives on, that Mum is exchanging one life for another, reunited with her beloved husband, that she has chosen this path, it does not stop the tears, the grief. And nor should it. We should never under-estimate the loss of a parent, our co-creator on earth. There is no going around, under or over something like this - it has to be faced head on and the feelings and emotions felt to the very depths of our being. What can a friend do at a time like this? Words are meaningless, you feel so helpless, wanting to carry some of their pain, lessen it, but of course you can't. There is no "fixing" this, making it better. You simply hold your friend in the deepest recesses of your own heart, you feel their pain and you carry it gladly. You weep with them and for them. You hold them and you comfort them and you let them know you are there for them. I salute my friend's Mum for her courage in steadfastly following her own path. So many will hold onto life, try and prolong it simply to please others, often suffering in the process. She isn't one of them. She has made a decision with her usual strength of character, brooking no arguments from anyone and these next few days will be spent saying her goodbyes to her children, their partners and grandchildren. So many don't get that gift - sometimes death comes shockingly and without warning. This whole experience has reminded me of the preciousness of our parents and even if you don't have a great relationship with them (or no relationship at all) let's face it, without them you would not even be here reading this! Bon Voyage Pat - be at peace.

CRY FOR MY BELOVED S A

This morning I was watching a news insert on the ANC Youth League on E News - their elections are coming up. Rewind to the 50s' when the Mandelas/Mbeksi/Sisulus and other young bloods of the ANCYL were passionate and commited to a cause - to liberate South Africa and create a free and fair democracy for all. They were imprisoned for their beliefs, tortured, separated from loved ones, fled their homeland and yet they never lost sight of the dream.  Fast forward to 2011 and we have the ilk of Julius Malema whose mouth unfortunately engages long before his brain does and who keeps separatism, fear and racism alive and kicking. We have images of the youth screaming into the cameras, demanding this that and the other, like they are entitled. Daily the media is filled with stories of corruption, greed, of self-serving politicians and civil servants misappropriating, misusing and misspending funds etc at all levels of our government while so many millions suffer. The scale of it sometimes takes your breath away. It has become like an enormous black hole that is simply sucking up the light of this beloved country of mine. I love this country. I am a "Seffrican" through and through. I'm a "braaivleis, rugby, sunny skies and Chevrolet" girl  - OK, maybe not the first two :-) I use phrases like Ag Shame, I want to kiss strangers in foreign countries if I hear them speak Afrikaans and I almost, but not quite, kiss the soil whenever I return home.  I don't want to live anywhere else. I believe in it, I know we can be great, I know the pendulum will swing the other way eventually. But sometimes it is challenging to remain positive when all I want to do is slap those arrogant, smug, self-centered individuals who care not one jot for those they are here to serve and are only interested in feathering their own nests. The word ACCOUNTABILITY just does not exist in our SA vocabulary. When I climb into my warm bed at night after enjoying a hot meal and I think of all those living in unspeakable conditions, desperate for some semblance of a normal life; whose daily existence is one of just trying to survive another day;  when I receive emails with "wishlists" from township schools needing basics like desks, stationery, chairs, when beggars greet me at almost every street corner, I want to weep. I also feel so GUILTY - the curse of "The Haves"? This morning, finally, I did. It was as though the pain and the hurt of this majestic, beautiful, dynamic, tragic country and it's rainbow nation hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried for my beloved country. Really cried.

But tears are healing and I shall pick myself up, wipe my face and carry on making a difference, one person at a time. Sometimes it is good just to acknowledge how you really feel and let it flow. Ja well no fine, the journey of life goes on. Africa, as they say, is not for sissies! Amandla!

LIFE VIEWED HORIZONTALLY

I hate being sick. I know that the times I get REALLY sick (like now) my body is sending me a very strong message. My fifth day in bed. But sometimes you just have to surrender to the reality of what is instead of raging against it. It seems I am not as healthy as I think I am, because this flu just ain't shifting. It has been a great exercise in patience and I have spent a lot of time lying, looking out the window watching the changing light as the hours pass. The vervet monkeys racing across the lawn for the trees, squabbling and playing, dogs snoozing in the winter sun. The four cats gravitate towards the bed, although I am sure that is more for the hot water bottle than it is for me. It is now that you really appreciate your health. When you don't have it. I try and imagine what it must be like to have a chronic, ongoing illness. When every day is a struggle against pain, when every movement is an effort, when you live with the fear that this vehicle that carries you through life may let you down and fail. My own illness seems to pale into comparison when I think of that. I am fascinated at the body's ability to produce mucus, it is never-ending. If I could produce money like this I would be a millionaire! 5 days in bed. I wonder where I would be if I had insisted on dragging myself around, as so many of us seem to do, sneezing and coughing over all and sundry, sighing and wheezing. What is it in us that makes us keep on going when the body is shouting out "STOP"! I learnt a long time ago not to ignore what my body wants. A lengthy illness like this means time to relook at the way I am living, where I am doing too much, what I need to let go of or change. Yup, life viewed horizontally for a while, when you are not in the mainstream flow of "doing" can be an interesting experience. You have time to think, sleep and "be" in the moment. There always is a reason for everything.

THE REBELLION OF WOMEN....

I smell rebellion in the air. Women are rebelling at the mundaneness of everyday life. At how their wildness and free spirits have been chained and curbed and lost under a deluge of "to-do" lists, grocery lists and evening meals (who did decide that we were put on this earth to cook and clean for others?) They yearn to be whisked away on a golden steed preferably by a golden boy who would feed them Belgian chocolate and pink Moet Chandon. He would declare how he adored them, would pander to their every whim and expect NOTHING in return (not even sex if they were not of the mind for it). However if he was golden and gorgeous perhaps some long distant memory would stir DOWN THERE - who knew! They would lie under cool palm trees watching an endless turquoise sea with soft white sand and cold exotic drinks (with pink umbrellas of course), dreaming their dreams and watching mermaids and dolphins play. When the mood takes them they would plunge into the cool blue waters and discover hidden worlds, where octopus wave from dark caves as they drift by. They would catch tides with turtles and the sun would be shining down through the water, shafts of silvery light dancing amongst the turquoise current; sparkles of light that catch the eye. Lazy whales wink as they float by, their song echoing through the ocean.
(I wrote this after several emails with a friend of mine, where we were bemoaning the fact that the daily routines of life, especially married life,  impinge on our desire to be fabulous and creative.)

SACRED SPACE

Every woman should have a special space in her home. No matter how tiny, she has to have it. No discussion. No "yes but". The end of a bookcase, a small round table. If she is really lucky, a whole room. Mine is an oak desk. We bought it years ago with our round dining room table. It's supposed to be my writing space (I kind of fancy myself as a writer) but over time, as I have accumulated more "stuff", space for writing grows less! You look at this table and you will have a sense of who I am. On the wall is the angel of Heaven & Earth that Sanna painted for me. Whirls of colour - delicate pinks, mauves, violets, deeper blues and greens, she sits perched on the world. I remember how envious I was of the angel painting she did for Alex. Bright explosions of fuschia and silver in hers. Funny how we are never satisfied. Then there are the photos of the Temple of the Inner Heart at Temenos in Macgregor that I had framed. How I loved that space sitting bathed in beautiful blue light. Underneath that the poster I made at the Artist's Way course - Treating Myself Like a Precious Object Will Make Me Strong. My silver coptic cross, a gift from Jan, I think it's from Ethiopia. Centre stage on the table is the large pewter Buddha Jeannette and the kids brought me back from Thailand. Around his neck is the cord from the spell we did for finding balance in life (hmm, the jury is still out on the success of that one ha ha!) as well as the Buddhist cords from Michael & Tamasine's wedding down in Robertson that were given to each guest. Various crystals and Ganesh sit around Buddha. There is Mother Mary rubbing shoulders with a glass angel, a Gandolf lookalike and the beautiful glass unicorn Pat gave me. A soap angel from Nan, the fairy Dephne, one of our staff, gave me for my birthday, the fairy Cleo gave me after the crystal workshop I did for Abby and her friends. Mosaic butterfly and mosaic heart with our photos in, both Abby's handiwork. My divine Fantasia doll Jo and Abby made for my 50th, complete with blue hair and purple cape! The little box filled with "treasures" from Earth Connections in Cornwall. The "wild woman" little circular pot Laina gave me when I became a Reiki Master. My bear shaped azurite crystal that actually sits up like a bear. My velvet bag of sacred objects from my days with the Aquarian Foundation & their logo picture. A little happy Buddha whose tummy is smooth from being rubbed. A clay angel I made and never got around to painting. The little box which holds all the little cards filled with messages from my 50th party, perfect to read through on bad hair days! A dragon, cystals, selenite balls. The two solid silver tea light holders John bought me, other assorted rocks I have collected over time. The mirror Tami made. All have some kind of significance or are connected to people and family I know and love. I won't even start on the journals, the books, notebools, crayons and paper that fill the drawers!

Yes every woman should have her own space. As I look at the fairy lounging in the aromatherapy candle holder, at Fantasia's blue hair and purple cloak decked with silver sequins, I see not a varied assortment of stuff - I see love and caring and gifts chosen with great care. I see memories and I remember good times and even though some of these things are cheap, their value to me is beyond money. They hold the intention of the giver, they hold memories of a life that has, until now, been surprisingly varied and full. The table has become a space when I can just be, a space that soothes the soul and quietens the mind. Life is a series of events and happenings, some fleeting, some you try and hold onto as long as you can, trying to grasp each of the strands as they float around you. But they leave and you are left with the memories and this odd assortment of items that, when you look at them, bring a stirring and a warmth to the heart. Looking at that table, which is so much more than a table, it is a tapestry of my life and I suddenly realise how colourful and varied it has been, how loved I have been and how loved I am. For a brief moment I soak up that feeling. I pause from the busyness of life and silently let my gaze touch on each treasured and special item. I feel comforted and content and very blessed. I am grateful for all the experiences of my life that have combined to bring me to this point. It is as if the world stops, holds it breath, while I appreciate all of this. It is so still, apart from the birdsong. Soon I need to get up and get on with life but now, just for this moment, I am at peace.

Yes, every woman should have a special space that is just for her. No matter how tiny, she has to have it.